Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Neverending therapy

Well, I had hoped that my next health update report would be to say that the sac joint pain is decreasing, but that's unfortunately not the case. It still hurts like hell. I haven't had a pain free day in a couple of years now. Some days are better than others, but it's always there . . . nagging in the background or forcing me to my bed.

At therapy last night Jill (my PT) told me that everything in my back is now all tightened up. The side of the problem with the sac joint inflammation doesn't move at all. When I lift my good leg while in a standing position, my low hip joint moves a bit forward like it's supposed to. However, do that with the right and it's rigid, like stone. Jill had to do some very painful manipulations to try to loosen that joint up. It did feel better for a bit afterwards (maybe because she made it hurt worse and normal hurt actually felt better, I dunno.) She showed me some stretching exercises to do and I must have about 100 daily exercises to do now between the foot/ankle, knee and back. I also have had to use my traction machine for the upper back and neck as that is all inflamed at the moment, too. I think what the problem is is another flare-up of the Lupus and RA. Everything hurts at the moment and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and lay there, but that will only make matters worse. So, I push myself to keep moving.

Ever since I was a kid it seems like I was suffering with something. Asthma and not being able to breath was what I had to deal with as a child and well into adulthood. During attacks, which would last three days or more, I would sit on the floor with my head on a couch or bed and sleep that way because I couldn't breath when I laid down. My sister and one of my brothers also inherited this disease from my Grandmother on my father's side. And my two sons had it too when they were growing up.

Then in my teenage years and before having children, I suffered with terrible menstrual cramps. I thought I was going to die. What was worse was not having anyone believe me that they were as bad as they were. Back in those days, too people went to their general practitioner for everything and they didn't know what they know now about female problems. In today's world there is actually a name for my problem of excessive pain during the monthly cycle. Dysmenorrhea, and we now know that it isn't psychosomatic, or in our heads. It's very real and causes much suffering. It was so bad that I would pass out from it when I was forced to go to school in pain. With the difficulties I had when pregnant, then it was discovered that I did indeed have structural problems that might have been corrected if they had known then what they know now.

Then since having children I still have had problems with illness, pain, etc. Jon has called me his "basket case" for years. No one really knows what I have gone through better than he does.

I'm just writing this to vent a bit because in daily life no one wants to hear it and I don't blame them. Nothing they can do about it so why bring everyone down. The pain of RA and Lupus and recovering from surgeries is what I have to live with, as do many other people. It's just life for some of us.

But I am going to keep working to try to feel better and get back to as normal as I can. I want to go to Vegas in July! That is my goal, to be able to walk around Las Vegas, pain free and to enjoy myself and our time together.

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